I recently had a serious case of The Shoulds: I should have gotten more done this summer; I should have more things checked off my to-do list; I should be further along with my book; I should be thinner, fitter, healthier, more successful…I should be!
Here’s the thing, I should is a kind of negative, judge-y way to approach things. It’s more productive to reframe I should to I want and share why with your subconscious (your driver). It helps to think on paper.
For example, for a very long time I knew I should be posting videos to my social accounts. This produced nothing except guilt, shame and anxiety until I reframed the conversation in my head and coached myself through I want to be posting videos because:
- It’s actually really fun
- I’m challenging myself
- I’m learning something
- I’m connecting with people
- I’m moving myself forward towards my goals
Now I’m reconnected to purpose and posting video content online. To get here, I needed to go back and revisit my toolkit:
- I am right where I am supposed to be. This is one of the core principles of iPEC – the organization I trained with to earn my coaching certification. I had to stop, acknowledge, process…and remind myself there is always a lesson and there is always value in reflecting on the situation.
- I gave myself permission to pause and remind myself it’s okay, I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Eternal thanks to Brene Brown.
- It’s the universe’s timeline, not mine. I get reminded of this all the time – from Gabby Bernstein in The Universe Has Your Back to Reverend TD Jakes who says, you might be ready but the stage but not be set – God has a lot to do to bring things together.
- Perspective: If you feel you’re not getting the traction you think you should be getting, stop, take stock and look at where you started vs where you are now.
- I keep a silver turtle on my desk to remind myself daily, as long as I’m still moving – however slow – I’m still in the race.